Don't Know What I Want to Do

I have only attended two full days of high school and I am already considering alternatives.

Let me just say, it sucks when you don't get classes with friends. I've never had amazing luck with that, but it still really, really sucks. It wouldn't suck as bad if it was a class full of strangers, oh no. It's a class full of people who you know but who don't really care for your existence, and frankly you don't care for theirs either. So you sit at the edge of the row in front of this pseudo rapper kid who actually has tattoos and a SON and you wonder what he's doing here anyway.

You know that feeling?

It's awkward.

I only see my handful of friends during lunch period, and most of them steal my food anyway. I get to talk to my guy-friend (I'll think of a name for him later) on the short bus ride to the elementary, though. Which rocks. I don't really hang out with my brother all that much because he likes to associate himself with stoners and potential criminals and I do not care to be around them all that much if I can help it. So it really sucks.

My mom said I could do online schooling if this year didn't go that well... but do I seriously want to do that? I mean, I spend quite a bit of time on the computer in my free time, so after my online lessons my eyes will look like

And that's not very attractive. And I'd have to do it at the same time my seminary teacher was there for her kid, and I don't like that woman. Also, I might get into the habit of not bothering to dress up. And I like dressing up and people seeing me all dressed up in what awesome clothes I have. Which brings up another point, what social life I have will dwindle and dwindle until it is nonexistent. And that would suck a whole lot.

I want to go to the school Rapunzel is going to, which is at the community college and is all awesome and classes start at 9:20 PM. It's a twenty minute drive, though. And there are literally only accepting 20 kids in each grade, though apparently a lot of people drop out. But once again, that limits my chances of not being socially retarded, even though it's pretty bad now with no friends in my classes and what not.

And I'm not racist or anything, but there are like 10 white people there. And I'm not shallow or anything, but you know... I need to get a boyfriend at one point or another and I prefer white guys...

And it's sorta in the capital of the state, and a large part of the capital is "in dah hood, yo."

This is a hilarious yet lame mental image for me considering Rapunzel is a fairy-like, semi-goth girl with dark eyeliner and frills and straight As and super nice but has a dark side WHICH IS EVIL and has very very very long hair. Yeah.

So it's like, an exclusive place right by the ghetto. Even though I hear there's some pretty dumb people in there. But they have a gift shop. A gift shop. THAT. IS JUST. AWESOME.

Dunno if I'd be able to get used to going to only four classes a day and getting home later, though. It still sounds pretty awesome.

I just don't know if I am going to live through this year, though. I just don't know.

In any case, it's the weekend, and I am exhausted. God knows how I'm going to live through a full week of school with classwork and everything. I think I just might die.

Again.

High School Sucks

Today was my first day of high school. Some of my random friends who read this know this. I am a freshman and let me tell you, there is nothing magical or romantic about it.

It. Sucks. Hard. Core.

Especially when you have to wake up at 5:30 AM just to go study stupid church stuff.

Sorry, God! Don't smite me for that! I love you and all, but I don't love losing my sleep for you!

I also don't love freakishly happy teachers in the morning but I'll gripe about that another time.

Basically, my facial expressions of the day went something like this:

Let's do some explaining. Six AM was when I started seminary. Didnt even brush my hair. 8AM was when I started school. Not that thrilled. 10AM is my demon-hungry-about-to-die-faise. omg i was so starving. I WAS SO STARVING GUYS. I COULD HAVE SWALLOWED SOULS.

The only reason why 12PM is a semi-happy face is because it was lunch time and the food was delicious. It wasn't awesome because while I was with all my friends, Dorothy got really quiet whenever my other-awesome friends were around. So I felt bad talking to them. So I just sat there awkwardly in silence with her for a while.

Then after lunch, during English, I realized I was once again in a cram-packed classroom full of kids who don't like me, don't care for my existance, and a guy who I used to like. So around 2PM I got really depressed for no apparent reason and by the time the bell rang I was about ready to die. It didn't help that the bus I got on was filled with a bunch of rowdy idiots which reminded me I need to get new earbuds, and once we got to the elemantary school (I walk home from there) we had to wait for all of the other buses to get there before anyone could get off. And they got stuck in traffic for about 15-30 minutes. Where I sat in miserable silence while my two friends from last year who bonded insanely talked in the seat in front of me, while my brother and his friend from last year talked in the seat behind me. I didn't get home until 4PM.

I spent my day running around trying to fix my funky schedule (which had me put in two of the same English classes, w-t-f) and getting into prep band which I am having doubts about now. I found out that the guy who I used to like still likes me, but I no longer have feelings with him simply because he waited too long. I have to walk at least half a mile to get home with my brother unless I got a ride with Sarah. I seem to be breaking all of the promises I made myself within the first day of the year and I realize I am going to be nothing more than a weird introvert who has strange colored socks but isn't special enough to really stand out from every one else.

I got home at 4PM, the same time my dad got home. My little brother was already home, slamming his keys on the piano and already had friends over. Within minutes both of my brothers and his friends were arguing over the X-BOX.

I dropped my bag on the floor. I went into my room. I plopped on my bed and died.

... until my mom decided to revive me for dinner, but I still feel dead. And hungry.

Camp Anxiety

One word: YAY. Okay, so I wasn't exactly EXCITED to go initially, but I'll be going with my brother and my mom so it should be bearable if and when I end up a social clam, unwilling to talk or interact with anyone. I'll be coming back on Saturday only to have a one day break before, you guessed it, ANOTHER church related activity! At least this one I am sure it it will be at least somewhat fun if I can base my first year in Girls' Camp off of it.

Yeah, I'm going two two church "camp" things. First Youth Conference tomorrow for a few days, where I'll go to all these stupid religious workshops and dances and help out organizing canned foods at the Food Drive. Well, I wouldn't have to organize cans, but I refused (as in, nearly had a mental breakdown during practice) to do a two person dance with somebody. It's simply humiliating. So I'm stuck with the cans.

But there's going to be a pool and I'll be sleeping in a hotel... with one bed in the room. With four people. Thanks a lot, church. Maybe if you asked to pay money for our own rooms, I could have an excuse not to go.

Then I'm going to Girls' Camp, which is this camp for the young women in the church. We go out in cabins and do rafting and eat smores and have a grand old time. I know it's going to be at least a little fun, considering my first year there was a blast. Let's ignore the fact me and two other girls snuck out and chugged three litres of root bear and destroyed a whole pack of cookies and laughed and went "star tipping."

For any of you who don't know what star tipping is, it's when one person spins around with their head looking up towards the stars, and they spin 'round and 'round and 'round until someone suddenly flashes the light of a flashlight in their eyes and they stumble and fall to the ground. Hilarity ensues.

But this is a different ward, so I don't know. I like them though.

I'm just really worried about the heat. Heat is awful.

I'm not kidding. It's reached 107 degrees here, and no rain. For anyone that doesn't know, heat + me = dead. I get extremely hot, extremely irritable, and extremely sick. It's like a bad case of PMS, but all because of the sun. I swear to god it's mocking me.

There's going to be AC in the cabins and one of the Young Women's leaders said it was totally fine if I went inside if I got sick because she was the same way, but it's not her that I'm worried about. It's about, hmm, let's call her Sister Dinosaur. My parents aren't exactly very fond of her, and very recently she's been assigned to teach the young women. She's a self proclaimed "camp nazi" and promises not to be like how she was when she was in camp because she understands "the purpose of girls' camp today is a little different than how it was when I was a young woman."

But I know her type. Some nasty, nasty little voice inside my head is telling me, that if I even take a few steps towards my cabin, or if she finds me in there attempting to cool down, she will surely disapprove.

If you couldn't read that, that was me sitting helplessly on a bed in the cabin while Sister Dinosaur barged in and yelled at me for not living the true camp experience. I wrote "way" but my hand hurt, so "experience" was just too much. Yeah.

They say we're going to go rafting. Not Extreme Sport rafting or anything, we're just going to get into our little canoes and float along the river. But I really don't know about that.

Like I said, there have been days where it has hit 107 degrees. And a significant lack of rain.

Only time will tell... only time will tell... /leery glance at lonesome puddle