Yeah, Random

Wow. Talk about a LATE update.

So an assortment of crazy, possibly emotionally stressing things have happened upon my path since I last updated it, and the list REALLY is too long for me to explain in detail, but it involved my dad not working for over a month and a ton of stress about money, and me slowly descending into a downward spiral of paranoia, insecurity, and depression, and me hitting my limit and having a complete and utter emotional and mental breakdown where I swear to God you would've thought I was possessed, hysterical, seriously unstable, or all three. But it turned out to be better for me (even if I got grounded a long time for acting like a psychopath) because y'know, they say you shouldn't bottle up your feelings, and well, I do, and I guess that was me letting go of them. So I think I'm better now.

Just kidding. I haven't killed anyone.

But I think I've come close, a few times.

Anyway, now that I'm more or less emotionally stable, I'm going to work on updating this more often to keep track of my own life and laugh at it. Yay me! Oh, and also write some personal essays for later reflection. I think I should start PM'ing that one guy on that writer's site back, too...

School is relatively uneventful. I think my only real friends are Dorothy (even though I've bitched about her on this blog, sorry about Do-... I mean, Shaniqua <3) and MY GUY FRIEND I STILL HAVEN'T DECIDED ON A NAME FOR, OMG, WHAT SHOULD IT BE?!?!? Yeah. I mean, the entire band of people I hang out with are my friends for certain but I mean the tell all your worries and insecurities and dreams and junk and not have to worry about being laughed at. I'd tack on Rapunzel to that list but even though things have been smoothed over and I'm talking to her more (even though it was after a few scary emails I sent her), things feel different. She feels far away. It sucks.

But um, yeah, school. Considering I don't HAVE any classes with any of my friends, it doesn't really matter. I think people in my classes think I'm an antisocial freak, minus the choir kids. I'm going to try to get in Honor Choir next year... and not to sound arrogant but I'm pretty sure I'll get in, I have a pretty voice...

... and piano lessons. I want piano lessons.

ANYWAY, AS OF LATE, some guy in my 5th hour, and yes, I am too lazy to come up with a name for him, too, I will refer to him as "some guy" and "that guy" and anyone reading this can get over it-- keeps rubbing my shoulders randomly. He says, "I'm just being awkward with everything today." And sometimes when I scoff or give him a look he laughs "Sorry I'm messing with you." I've learned not expect much from guys in his "group" but it's still weird how out of the blue he keeps rubbing my arm and asking questions like, "So did you like the movie? :D" I don't even know how to respond to that.

This is the same 5th hour that is completely. Out. Of. Control. Some days it isn't so bad, but other days I swear to God I am sitting there at my desk wanting to kill myself, and it's all because of the noise. Everyone will be hollaring at the top of their lungs, while I'll be sitting there in my desk, looking bored, pissed off, or upset and again, probably wishing I could kill myself.

 Loud, mixed noises stresses me out like you wouldn't even believe. A rock concert? Totally cool with that. A bunch of teenaged boys screaming at the top of their lungs? Not so cool with that. I have to tune them out and focus on something other than the noise, even if it means blocking out the teacher. Who I think loves me. All English teachers love me. Last year, one used my assignment as an example in another class. The year before that she said that I would grow up to be an awesome author/reporter/something. And they always look at me randomly and smile which would be creepy if they weren't all women. This year she evens smiles and says hello to me as I pass in the hall, which leaves me whipping around stuttering out some sort of stupid reply. Fact: when people I'm not used to talking to me actually talk to me, I am made socially retarded. Example A: interactions with the "some guy" above. I say "um" a lot and even stutter. Stutter. It's kind of dumb. But maybe not as dumb as if I'm feeling so unbearably shy I can't face people, I run away Yup. Kind of sad.

Today, fall break starts. Yay. I don't have to go to school tomorrow or Friday. Which is nice, but uncomparable to Rapunzel, who gets two weeks off. I'm kind of blown away at that. I have no doubt who she's going to probably spend it with. Crap, emoness. Well, Dorothy is coming over on Friday to spend the nice which is awesome. She came over yesterday night and stayed for a long time. We sat out in 40 degree weather on the trampoline and just... talked. It felt awesome. Oh, and we jumped around on it like idiots for a bit. (:

I've been spending a lot of time on the Sims 2. Making and killing virtual people is fun. Even though I'm ungrounded, I haven't felt up to my online games. Mostly because they seem broken beyond repair but nngh... I feel bad for neglecting my friends on there but seriously I just don't... feel like it, as of late.

This blog post was all over the place. Oh well. I'll get on track when I don't have a bazillion stray details and I can focus on one subject.

I think maybe I'll post something about my dreams. My highly awesome dreams.

They're pretty freaking awesome.

Don't Know What I Want to Do

I have only attended two full days of high school and I am already considering alternatives.

Let me just say, it sucks when you don't get classes with friends. I've never had amazing luck with that, but it still really, really sucks. It wouldn't suck as bad if it was a class full of strangers, oh no. It's a class full of people who you know but who don't really care for your existence, and frankly you don't care for theirs either. So you sit at the edge of the row in front of this pseudo rapper kid who actually has tattoos and a SON and you wonder what he's doing here anyway.

You know that feeling?

It's awkward.

I only see my handful of friends during lunch period, and most of them steal my food anyway. I get to talk to my guy-friend (I'll think of a name for him later) on the short bus ride to the elementary, though. Which rocks. I don't really hang out with my brother all that much because he likes to associate himself with stoners and potential criminals and I do not care to be around them all that much if I can help it. So it really sucks.

My mom said I could do online schooling if this year didn't go that well... but do I seriously want to do that? I mean, I spend quite a bit of time on the computer in my free time, so after my online lessons my eyes will look like

And that's not very attractive. And I'd have to do it at the same time my seminary teacher was there for her kid, and I don't like that woman. Also, I might get into the habit of not bothering to dress up. And I like dressing up and people seeing me all dressed up in what awesome clothes I have. Which brings up another point, what social life I have will dwindle and dwindle until it is nonexistent. And that would suck a whole lot.

I want to go to the school Rapunzel is going to, which is at the community college and is all awesome and classes start at 9:20 PM. It's a twenty minute drive, though. And there are literally only accepting 20 kids in each grade, though apparently a lot of people drop out. But once again, that limits my chances of not being socially retarded, even though it's pretty bad now with no friends in my classes and what not.

And I'm not racist or anything, but there are like 10 white people there. And I'm not shallow or anything, but you know... I need to get a boyfriend at one point or another and I prefer white guys...

And it's sorta in the capital of the state, and a large part of the capital is "in dah hood, yo."

This is a hilarious yet lame mental image for me considering Rapunzel is a fairy-like, semi-goth girl with dark eyeliner and frills and straight As and super nice but has a dark side WHICH IS EVIL and has very very very long hair. Yeah.

So it's like, an exclusive place right by the ghetto. Even though I hear there's some pretty dumb people in there. But they have a gift shop. A gift shop. THAT. IS JUST. AWESOME.

Dunno if I'd be able to get used to going to only four classes a day and getting home later, though. It still sounds pretty awesome.

I just don't know if I am going to live through this year, though. I just don't know.

In any case, it's the weekend, and I am exhausted. God knows how I'm going to live through a full week of school with classwork and everything. I think I just might die.

Again.

Scratched by a Cat

A few weeks ago I spent the night at Rapunzel's house. I am never particularly thrilled about going home after spending the weekend there, and usually drag my feet entering my mom's car. This time was different, however.

You see, I have this chronic disorder in which I go batshit insane whenever I hear the word "surprise."



My mom either plotted a very smart, very strategic plan to get me out of Rapunzel's house quicker than a tortoise with polio or doomed the world with the supersonic waves that I produce from screaming very, very loudly.

Because I also have an unhealthy obsession with cute and fluffy mammals.

KIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

We drove home in the car and got pizza. I held him in my lap in his little basket. I gave him a little piece of my cheese stick from Little Caeser's. Mom said this probably wasn't a good idea. I continued to coddle the kitten.

He seemed like the perfect, sweet little cat. 12 weeks old, with all his shots and even fixed! But believe it or not, we had issues with this cat. This adorable, sweet little cat. Who's name was OMG. Yes. O-M-G. That was what my aunt had named him before we got him. We weren't sure how to pronounce it: omg or oh-em-gee. In any case, we decided to rename him. But he hadn't got that far when he disappeared.

You see, we already have a cat. She's my kitty, Alice. Alice is the sweetest, moodiest, roughest little cat on the lot and she walks around like she owns the place. And she doesn't react well to strangers.

I'll tell you how their first meeting went.

Alice: *stare*

OMG: *stare*

Alice: *lean forward*

OMG: *lean forward*

*NOSE TOUCH!!!!!!!*

...

...

...

Alice: HISS!

OMG: HISS!!

HISS HISS HISS HISS HISS HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Afterwards, Alice began stalking the kitten, eventually chasing him under my mom and dad's bed. We tried to coax him out from under the bed, but to no avail. Eventually we left the room. After a while, we returned and looked for him under the bed. No kitty. We looked for him under the sheets. No kitty.

And we looked.

And we looked.

And we looked.

Noooooo kittyyyyy.

For hours we didn't find him. Apparently Alice had terrorized the poor thing into hiding into one of my parent's drawer spaces, which are itsy bitsy, but he somehow managed to fit himself in there. Our cuddly wuddly munchkin was safe. We decided to keep an eye on any Cat-On-Cat interactions.

Oh, and we decided to name him Charlie.

OoOoO

So, for some strange reason, this cat doesn't like our dog.

I know! WEIRD! A cat that DOESN'T LIKE DOGS!

For another strange reason, he tends to take out his dog hate on people near him. People like me. My mom also, but this is my time to whine.

I was innocently sitting at the computer desk, doing who-knows-what. Facebook? Blogging? Perhaps. I am not entirely sure. But I was there, and the cat was right beside me. On the desk. Like a good little kitten-child.

Also apparently too lazy to type in another parenthesis, so I drew one in.

There is a lot of brown in this picture. That's because there is a lot of wood in this area. It is a built in desk thing inside the kitchen and it's all wood. The display cabinet things above the computer area are also wood. And glass.

The tile floor looks better than it does in this picture.

My hair looked slightly worse.

Okay. Critique time for this drawing done.

SO I WAS SITTING THERE, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, when the dog decided to go under the desk near my feet (or where my feet would be, I always sit with my knees tucked up to my chest or criss crossed in a chair. I don't know why). I thought nothing of it. That is his favorite place to lay down in generally bum around.

Charlie did not think nothing of it. In fact, I'm pretty sure he thought something of it.

So my dear child was hissing and spitting and being upset, and I did what any good mother would do. I thought I would pet the kitty, comfort it and tell him IT'S OKAY! The big bad doggy won't hurt you!

So I was like

And that cat was like



 The pain was intense.

So I got scratched by a cat.

It ruined my day.