Yeah, Random

Wow. Talk about a LATE update.

So an assortment of crazy, possibly emotionally stressing things have happened upon my path since I last updated it, and the list REALLY is too long for me to explain in detail, but it involved my dad not working for over a month and a ton of stress about money, and me slowly descending into a downward spiral of paranoia, insecurity, and depression, and me hitting my limit and having a complete and utter emotional and mental breakdown where I swear to God you would've thought I was possessed, hysterical, seriously unstable, or all three. But it turned out to be better for me (even if I got grounded a long time for acting like a psychopath) because y'know, they say you shouldn't bottle up your feelings, and well, I do, and I guess that was me letting go of them. So I think I'm better now.

Just kidding. I haven't killed anyone.

But I think I've come close, a few times.

Anyway, now that I'm more or less emotionally stable, I'm going to work on updating this more often to keep track of my own life and laugh at it. Yay me! Oh, and also write some personal essays for later reflection. I think I should start PM'ing that one guy on that writer's site back, too...

School is relatively uneventful. I think my only real friends are Dorothy (even though I've bitched about her on this blog, sorry about Do-... I mean, Shaniqua <3) and MY GUY FRIEND I STILL HAVEN'T DECIDED ON A NAME FOR, OMG, WHAT SHOULD IT BE?!?!? Yeah. I mean, the entire band of people I hang out with are my friends for certain but I mean the tell all your worries and insecurities and dreams and junk and not have to worry about being laughed at. I'd tack on Rapunzel to that list but even though things have been smoothed over and I'm talking to her more (even though it was after a few scary emails I sent her), things feel different. She feels far away. It sucks.

But um, yeah, school. Considering I don't HAVE any classes with any of my friends, it doesn't really matter. I think people in my classes think I'm an antisocial freak, minus the choir kids. I'm going to try to get in Honor Choir next year... and not to sound arrogant but I'm pretty sure I'll get in, I have a pretty voice...

... and piano lessons. I want piano lessons.

ANYWAY, AS OF LATE, some guy in my 5th hour, and yes, I am too lazy to come up with a name for him, too, I will refer to him as "some guy" and "that guy" and anyone reading this can get over it-- keeps rubbing my shoulders randomly. He says, "I'm just being awkward with everything today." And sometimes when I scoff or give him a look he laughs "Sorry I'm messing with you." I've learned not expect much from guys in his "group" but it's still weird how out of the blue he keeps rubbing my arm and asking questions like, "So did you like the movie? :D" I don't even know how to respond to that.

This is the same 5th hour that is completely. Out. Of. Control. Some days it isn't so bad, but other days I swear to God I am sitting there at my desk wanting to kill myself, and it's all because of the noise. Everyone will be hollaring at the top of their lungs, while I'll be sitting there in my desk, looking bored, pissed off, or upset and again, probably wishing I could kill myself.

 Loud, mixed noises stresses me out like you wouldn't even believe. A rock concert? Totally cool with that. A bunch of teenaged boys screaming at the top of their lungs? Not so cool with that. I have to tune them out and focus on something other than the noise, even if it means blocking out the teacher. Who I think loves me. All English teachers love me. Last year, one used my assignment as an example in another class. The year before that she said that I would grow up to be an awesome author/reporter/something. And they always look at me randomly and smile which would be creepy if they weren't all women. This year she evens smiles and says hello to me as I pass in the hall, which leaves me whipping around stuttering out some sort of stupid reply. Fact: when people I'm not used to talking to me actually talk to me, I am made socially retarded. Example A: interactions with the "some guy" above. I say "um" a lot and even stutter. Stutter. It's kind of dumb. But maybe not as dumb as if I'm feeling so unbearably shy I can't face people, I run away Yup. Kind of sad.

Today, fall break starts. Yay. I don't have to go to school tomorrow or Friday. Which is nice, but uncomparable to Rapunzel, who gets two weeks off. I'm kind of blown away at that. I have no doubt who she's going to probably spend it with. Crap, emoness. Well, Dorothy is coming over on Friday to spend the nice which is awesome. She came over yesterday night and stayed for a long time. We sat out in 40 degree weather on the trampoline and just... talked. It felt awesome. Oh, and we jumped around on it like idiots for a bit. (:

I've been spending a lot of time on the Sims 2. Making and killing virtual people is fun. Even though I'm ungrounded, I haven't felt up to my online games. Mostly because they seem broken beyond repair but nngh... I feel bad for neglecting my friends on there but seriously I just don't... feel like it, as of late.

This blog post was all over the place. Oh well. I'll get on track when I don't have a bazillion stray details and I can focus on one subject.

I think maybe I'll post something about my dreams. My highly awesome dreams.

They're pretty freaking awesome.

High School Sucks

Today was my first day of high school. Some of my random friends who read this know this. I am a freshman and let me tell you, there is nothing magical or romantic about it.

It. Sucks. Hard. Core.

Especially when you have to wake up at 5:30 AM just to go study stupid church stuff.

Sorry, God! Don't smite me for that! I love you and all, but I don't love losing my sleep for you!

I also don't love freakishly happy teachers in the morning but I'll gripe about that another time.

Basically, my facial expressions of the day went something like this:

Let's do some explaining. Six AM was when I started seminary. Didnt even brush my hair. 8AM was when I started school. Not that thrilled. 10AM is my demon-hungry-about-to-die-faise. omg i was so starving. I WAS SO STARVING GUYS. I COULD HAVE SWALLOWED SOULS.

The only reason why 12PM is a semi-happy face is because it was lunch time and the food was delicious. It wasn't awesome because while I was with all my friends, Dorothy got really quiet whenever my other-awesome friends were around. So I felt bad talking to them. So I just sat there awkwardly in silence with her for a while.

Then after lunch, during English, I realized I was once again in a cram-packed classroom full of kids who don't like me, don't care for my existance, and a guy who I used to like. So around 2PM I got really depressed for no apparent reason and by the time the bell rang I was about ready to die. It didn't help that the bus I got on was filled with a bunch of rowdy idiots which reminded me I need to get new earbuds, and once we got to the elemantary school (I walk home from there) we had to wait for all of the other buses to get there before anyone could get off. And they got stuck in traffic for about 15-30 minutes. Where I sat in miserable silence while my two friends from last year who bonded insanely talked in the seat in front of me, while my brother and his friend from last year talked in the seat behind me. I didn't get home until 4PM.

I spent my day running around trying to fix my funky schedule (which had me put in two of the same English classes, w-t-f) and getting into prep band which I am having doubts about now. I found out that the guy who I used to like still likes me, but I no longer have feelings with him simply because he waited too long. I have to walk at least half a mile to get home with my brother unless I got a ride with Sarah. I seem to be breaking all of the promises I made myself within the first day of the year and I realize I am going to be nothing more than a weird introvert who has strange colored socks but isn't special enough to really stand out from every one else.

I got home at 4PM, the same time my dad got home. My little brother was already home, slamming his keys on the piano and already had friends over. Within minutes both of my brothers and his friends were arguing over the X-BOX.

I dropped my bag on the floor. I went into my room. I plopped on my bed and died.

... until my mom decided to revive me for dinner, but I still feel dead. And hungry.

Hair

So, I'm kind of annoyed with Blogspot. Why was there a white background on the majority of my last post white? I DON'T WANT WHITE. I WANT DARK AND MYSTERIOUS BLACK. FASJDKFSALDFHF- /explode

So I'm getting my haircut today. As usual, I'm nervous as hell. The only time where I've gotten my hair cut and it looked the way I wanted it to without having to wait a few weeks to grow it out was when I went to my mom's friend's place. Usually people cut it too short but turns out awesome after a few weeks.

Yeah, I prefer shorter hair. Above the shoulders but below the chin. I should get it cut more often than I do so I can maintain the style, but I dunno. I'm getting fringe again but not sideswept bangs. It will be hanging over my eyebrows with the sole purpose to make me a little more blind.

So I don't exactly get it plan on getting it cut too long. Or getting it cut too short, for that matter.

So yeah.

One of my closest friends got her hair dyed blonde while I was gone at camp. Blonde. Blonde. I have nothing against blonde. I used to dye my hair blonde. But I could never imagine Dorothy blonde. She has dyed it black for the last decade (ok maybe not) and she is gloomy and sad and it just DOESN'T SEEM LIKE DOROTHY.

Dad says it makes her look more cheerful. So does mom. It suits her face more.

I looked at the picture and I thought of those scene whores who pose in front of mirrors too much. I felt bad for thinking that. But then I agreed with myself. She looks too much like those stupid kids on the internet. Well, she is on tumblr a lot so-

And despite what my parents believe, she is still as gloomy as ever and never fails to put a damp on my mood when talking about her cruddy life. I still love her, though.

It's her head though so she can do whatever. It looks nice, it just doesn't suit her. I just hope that if I ever dye my hair blonde in the future she won't claim that I'm copying... as always.

There's a few reasons why Dorothy gets under my skin despite being one of the truest friends I have, but this isn't rag-on-your-besties day. It's Saturday. And Saturdays are awesome.

I can't believe I got up at 9AM. I blame camp. They made me get up at 6:45 but the people were so loud I would wake up before them. Now I wake up early on the weekends. Sobbu.