So an assortment of crazy, possibly emotionally stressing things have happened upon my path since I last updated it, and the list REALLY is too long for me to explain in detail, but it involved my dad not working for over a month and a ton of stress about money, and me slowly descending into a downward spiral of paranoia, insecurity, and depression, and me hitting my limit and having a complete and utter emotional and mental breakdown where I swear to God you would've thought I was possessed, hysterical, seriously unstable, or all three. But it turned out to be better for me (even if I got grounded a long time for acting like a psychopath) because y'know, they say you shouldn't bottle up your feelings, and well, I do, and I guess that was me letting go of them. So I think I'm better now.
Just kidding. I haven't killed anyone.
But I think I've come close, a few times.
Anyway, now that I'm more or less emotionally stable, I'm going to work on updating this more often to keep track of my own life and laugh at it. Yay me! Oh, and also write some personal essays for later reflection. I think I should start PM'ing that one guy on that writer's site back, too...
School is relatively uneventful. I think my only real friends are Dorothy (even though I've bitched about her on this blog, sorry about Do-... I mean, Shaniqua <3) and MY GUY FRIEND I STILL HAVEN'T DECIDED ON A NAME FOR, OMG, WHAT SHOULD IT BE?!?!? Yeah. I mean, the entire band of people I hang out with are my friends for certain but I mean the tell all your worries and insecurities and dreams and junk and not have to worry about being laughed at. I'd tack on Rapunzel to that list but even though things have been smoothed over and I'm talking to her more (even though it was after a few scary emails I sent her), things feel different. She feels far away. It sucks.
But um, yeah, school. Considering I don't HAVE any classes with any of my friends, it doesn't really matter. I think people in my classes think I'm an antisocial freak, minus the choir kids. I'm going to try to get in Honor Choir next year... and not to sound arrogant but I'm pretty sure I'll get in, I have a pretty voice...
... and piano lessons. I want piano lessons.
ANYWAY, AS OF LATE, some guy in my 5th hour, and yes, I am too lazy to come up with a name for him, too, I will refer to him as "some guy" and "that guy" and anyone reading this can get over it-- keeps rubbing my shoulders randomly. He says, "I'm just being awkward with everything today." And sometimes when I scoff or give him a look he laughs "Sorry I'm messing with you." I've learned not expect much from guys in his "group" but it's still weird how out of the blue he keeps rubbing my arm and asking questions like, "So did you like the movie? :D" I don't even know how to respond to that.
This is the same 5th hour that is completely. Out. Of. Control. Some days it isn't so bad, but other days I swear to God I am sitting there at my desk wanting to kill myself, and it's all because of the noise. Everyone will be hollaring at the top of their lungs, while I'll be sitting there in my desk, looking bored, pissed off, or upset and again, probably wishing I could kill myself.
Loud, mixed noises stresses me out like you wouldn't even believe. A rock concert? Totally cool with that. A bunch of teenaged boys screaming at the top of their lungs? Not so cool with that. I have to tune them out and focus on something other than the noise, even if it means blocking out the teacher. Who I think loves me. All English teachers love me. Last year, one used my assignment as an example in another class. The year before that she said that I would grow up to be an awesome author/reporter/something. And they always look at me randomly and smile which would be creepy if they weren't all women. This year she evens smiles and says hello to me as I pass in the hall, which leaves me whipping around stuttering out some sort of stupid reply. Fact: when people I'm not used to talking to me actually talk to me, I am made socially retarded. Example A: interactions with the "some guy" above. I say "um" a lot and even stutter. Stutter. It's kind of dumb. But maybe not as dumb as if I'm feeling so unbearably shy I can't face people, I run away Yup. Kind of sad.
Today, fall break starts. Yay. I don't have to go to school tomorrow or Friday. Which is nice, but uncomparable to Rapunzel, who gets two weeks off. I'm kind of blown away at that. I have no doubt who she's going to probably spend it with. Crap, emoness. Well, Dorothy is coming over on Friday to spend the nice which is awesome. She came over yesterday night and stayed for a long time. We sat out in 40 degree weather on the trampoline and just... talked. It felt awesome. Oh, and we jumped around on it like idiots for a bit. (:
I've been spending a lot of time on the Sims 2. Making and killing virtual people is fun. Even though I'm ungrounded, I haven't felt up to my online games. Mostly because they seem broken beyond repair but nngh... I feel bad for neglecting my friends on there but seriously I just don't... feel like it, as of late.
This blog post was all over the place. Oh well. I'll get on track when I don't have a bazillion stray details and I can focus on one subject.
I think maybe I'll post something about my dreams. My highly awesome dreams.
They're pretty freaking awesome.
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